This is can be a tough subject, but I am choosing to not look at it that way. This post is about the ever evolving lesson in how to chill out. 🙂
Old thoughts about transitioning through daily activities:
We totally aren’t going to get there on time.
Seriously, I need to give myself an hour for a 15 minute store trip because of the million ways he is going to get sidetracked in this store.
Crap. If I hand him this object of momentary obsession, is he going to throw it?
(Feeling rushed, but trying not to act that way.)
I would like to run into this store really quick, but we may not get out of there for quite a while and we just don’t have enough time. Ugh.
I know if he asks me for something and I say no, he is going to whip anything he gets his hands on across the room. Maybe we just won’t tackle this (place, activity, etc.) today. I don’t want to deal with what may happen.
Why can’t he just listen to me?
Why can’t we get through the day without having to set the timer a million times?
Wow. That woman’s kids just go with the flow and totally just listened to her when she said, “Let’s go!” How nice.
I can’t get anything done. He is going to have a melt down if he can’t play outside after school. When am I going to get to the grocery store?
The other kids in the neighborhood just roam. I need to be watching Jasan at all times. He is just so unaware!
If he does not get enough sleep he is totally going to have a rough day. Actually, it will be a rough day for both of us.
I wonder what a day of not having to over-think everything would feel like?
Being a single mom sucks. I just need a break. Parents that get to take turns…I have NO idea what that feels like, and they have no idea what this feels like.
Should I keep going? I’m thinking not. You get the idea. Negative shmegative.
The more I expand and evolve as an individual, the more I know I need to just relax. Go with the flow. The thought patterns above are not even close to chill. Having the belief system that I do…your thoughts create your reality…the above thoughts are just going to bring me more of the same. More reasons to feel anxious. More meltdowns. More throwing.
So, I am ridding myself of being that mom. I have chosen to be the mom who is going to teach my son that it is possible to stay aligned no matter what is happening around you. The phrase, “think happy thoughts” is right on. If I focus on what I don’t like, I am shooting myself (and Jasan) in the foot. He feels everything I put out there. It’s funny how last year I was under the assumption that as long as I didn’t act “rushed” and kept those thoughts to myself, Jasan would go with the flow. Ha. He can feel me. He is highly sensitive and keenly aware of what I am feeling. He may not verbalize it to me, but he easily adjusts to my rhythm. If my rhythm is running tense or hectic, he will feed off of that. I know this about him, but I think my perception has changed in regards to myself.
I can control myself. I can control my thoughts. I can choose how I want to think about the ones I love. I can solely choose to see my son in all of his amazingness, even if he decides to throw my phone. (Otterbox!) The more I practice this, the stronger my love vibe will be, the anxiety vanishes, and what I put out there come back into my experience.
It’s a beautiful thing. No sloppy thoughts. Sloppy thoughts bring me what I have always gotten.
Time for change. Time for teaching through example and not empty words.
Autism sees right through that.
He keeps teaching me what unconditional love really means over and over. It hits me deeper every time. We were meant for each other and I love our reality! Our journey together is going to be the most enriching experience…now and for the years to come.
I am super excited about it.
It isn’t hard for him to find his happy. He is teaching me this. <3