Parenting – Page 3

He’d rather…

June 6, 2014 By Heidi Allen 12 Comments

The kids that live in our little neighborhood circle always end up at the end of our driveway. We usually have music playing and Jasan and I will be hanging out doing whatever his heart’s content may be.

It’s a perfect weather day out today, and we had those water hose going for awhile… making squiggles in the air, giving his bike a “bike wash”…you know. That kind of stuff. And then… ALL OF THE COOL STUFF in the garage took over.

Currently the electronics have won over it all. I asked him, “Would you like to play with the kids?” And in his cute voice he answers me, “No.” He is in his world of contentment.

I’m just letting him be… 🙂

The Airport, Part 2.

June 5, 2014 By Heidi Allen 6 Comments

Because the first flight went so well, I was not too concerned about the journey home. Actually, I was excited to see how he would handle saying goodbye to Florida and hello to Chicago!

On the way TO Florida, we checked in via a Skycap so Jasan did not see the luggage scales. This airport visit we got to check it all out. He was absolutely fascinated with how big these scales were.

Once we were all snug in our airplane seats, headphones it was.

And, of course, what was going on outside was incredibly interesting. Very cool stuff you do not see everyday…

During the flight he was acting like he had flown a million times. Kinda fun to check out what was going on above his seat. (And, sing a little on the loud side with those headphones on. ha…)

The only possible snag that we might have ran into was not being able to go in to see the pilot and flight deck when we landed in Chicago. Because we had such a great experience on the flight there, it was Jasan’s expectation on the way home. The tears started rolling down his face when I told him I wasn’t sure if we could. Luckily, the pilot was very cool and snuck him in for a few minutes.

So many interesting things to look at!

I am so very thankful to the pilots that gave a little bit of their time.

Each pilot had his own way of explaining a few things here and there to Jasan. Both adventures included pushing buttons or flipping switches. Very cool to have the hands on experience.

Walking to the luggage claim was fun. He pushed my little carry on suitcase (fun with wheels!) and we checked out cool things along the way.

Like this…

And we spent many minutes watching these go around and around…

We ventured to another terminal, and took the obligatory selfie for Mama. 🙂

All in all, the trip was so completely meant to be. He exceeded every one of my expectations as a little traveler. Lesson learned for me; GIVE JASAN MORE CREDIT. He handled literally everything on this vacation adventure like a champ. I have NO need to be concerned until he gives me a reason. It’s funny, I thought that I had already learned this lesson, but apparently I needed to learn it AGAIN. Never underestimate him. Believe that he will shine and be victorious always. And you know what? If I believe that wholeheartedly, he will too.

That sounds perfect to me.

I think he was just a little tired in the car on the way home. 😉

I’m excited for future traveling…

ADVENTURES!

Finding interesting things everywhere.

June 2, 2014 By Heidi Allen 1 Comment

While we were in Florida, it was fun watching Jasan find his comforts in completely new surroundings and some new adventures (like chasing birds – see previous post,) but in some of his norms too. For example, my child has a love affair with straws. He has since he DISCOVERED the straw. The strength of his love has had its ebbs and flows, but the straw infatuation always remains in some capacity.

You see, a straw can be many things. It can can act as a speedometer, or possibly a tachometer. If two straws are present, then there you go! Both going at the same time. (With sound effects, of course.) They can act as windshield wipers, just something to spin (which is the perfect stimming tool,) any meter of his choice, a CDI (a course deviation indicator for those of you that don’t know what that stands for…Ha!). Let’s see, clock hands, a GPS of some sort, keeping rhythm in a song…should I keep going?

Since we frequent restaurants quite a bit, we most likely always seek out the beloved straw. It’s a comfort thing. I usually will always find a straw or two in my purse, in my car, and we have a big collection of them conveniently in a reachable large cup for him in our living space.

Crossing signals. He LOVES crossing signals. Sometimes we take a little stroll down the street from our home just to hang out by the signals so we can watch them change from the “red hand” to the “walking white man” (as Jasan terms it…) and all of that good stuff.

This is the crossing signal by our house. He’s lovin’ on it.

Sweet! They have crossing signals in Florida too! (And straws. Double awesomeness.)

He was a little freaked out to stand on this big “photo op” chair, but he stretched himself and got up there for the obligatory photo. (He’s got that, “I’m not so sure about this Mama…” face goin’ on. Therefore, a little straw security never hurts.)

Now, another favorite, once it had been discovered, is the pinwheel. (I touched briefly on the pinwheel in the last post as well.) During our cloudy day shopping adventure, we found this store. OH. MY. GOODNESS. I could not get him out of there.

All of those things behind him were spinning. And the pinwheels at the entrance, with the strategically placed fan blowing down as you walked into the store, put those babies flying in high gear!

As you wandered to the back of the store it was packed full of wind chimes. All I could think of was this video (link also on my Extras page.) This store represented the autistic person’s dream or possible nightmare (STIMULATION OVERLOAD!)

The fan.

Jasan has had a HUGE interest in fans since before his first birthday. You would think he would be sick of them by now, but no way. There is still an allure to the fan that keeps on giving. As he gets older though, he likes to seek out the fan in it’s many uses beyond your traditional box fan. He has figured out that air conditioners on sides of houses or buildings include a fan. (That’s a big draw on the side of our house. I’ve been known to pull a chair around and have a seat while he does his “checking it out” thing. I have found that it is something not to be rushed.)

Ha. Snapped this goodie the other day.

He has discovered that fans exist under the hood of the car, in any kind of motor capacity, and also in his super awesome “box” that our pilot friend, Mr. Rob made for him. (The “box” is on the left in the photo below.)

(He often multitasks. In this photo he was creating a pattern with the video he was watching, of him in Mr. Rob’s plane, to go with the sounds and actions as he would press certain buttons on the box. Multitasking & Jasan will have to be a whole other post in itself to come…)

Getting back onto the subject of fans, it was pretty sweet when we found this gem of a restaurant to eat at while shopping that day!

It was completely surrounded by water except for the pier that got you there. The fans that were hanging all around this cute spot caught Jasan’s eye right away! We found a table in a corner, near a fan, where we could watch the pelicans. Too cool.

Part of loving my son and his autism is recognizing what makes him feel good. Sometimes it’s the little things. A pinwheel, a couple of straws, or a box fan can put a smile on his face so fast. Sometimes that may mean taking a 5 minute break as we are walking along because he wants to stop and look at a bunch of meters.

Or maybe “The Lobster Zone.”.

Whatever floats his boat.

Life is good.

I’m helping add webpages (experiences) to his picture internet (that is his brilliant autistic brain.) The more webpages he has, the more knowledge he has to refer to. I am determined to build his library.

YES. I. AM.

Temple Grandin.

May 22, 2014 By Heidi Allen 10 Comments

Let me tell you… I am still on a high from meeting Temple Grandin yesterday!

Wow. On top of being in awe about seeing her in person, she also autographed my copy of “The Autistic Brain” which was great, and I gave her the information to view this blog! Oh my goodness. I hope she actually takes a look…

I would love to tell my story of why she means so much to me.

In the fall season of 2013, Jasan was going through a stage where tantrums were happening frequently. His speech was not as good as it is currently, and I am sure he was in a frustrated state…often. At this time I was not aware of his autism. Floating around in my head was the comment made to me by one of his early intervention therapists, “He may be on the spectrum…” but honestly, I was clueless to what that meant. Months had gone by after hearing that, and life was becoming increasingly more difficult with Jasan. During this time period, I compared him daily in my mind to the neurotypical children I work with every day through my job.

I thought, “Why is it that I can have more of a conversation with some of the 2 and 3 year olds I work with rather than my own child?” “I wish that Jasan would blurt out cute random things like little kids do…” “I wish Jasan played WITH other kids instead of ignoring them.” “Why doesn’t he join in at group settings like typical kids do?”

This list of comparisons went on and on.

Then, I lost it. It will be forever ingrained in my memory the day that Jasan threw a mid-day tantrum that I couldn’t handle. It happened during the nap time routine. He was hitting and kicking me and I had just had enough. Up to this point (and even now) I considered my patience level with Jasan to be very high. But on this particular day, I must have been off. He actually hit me to where it HURT, and I could not take another second. I screamed and yelled at him to stop, which did no good whatsoever. I locked him in his room and fell to the floor and just wept. He was screaming at the top of his lungs for me to come back into his room, but I just couldn’t. I had to regain myself. I had to calm down. I honestly was at a loss and DID NOT KNOW WHAT DO TO WITH MY OWN CHILD.

This is a feeling that is beyond helplessness.

After a minute or two, I went back into his room and somehow got him to sleep. As I was leaving his bedroom, I was prompted to search for “autism” online. I had never felt that before, and autism wasn’t even a topic that had entered my mind since that comment that I had received from his previous therapist many months earlier. As I sat with my computer in my lap, the first article I read felt like it was written specifically for me. Halfway through, tears started pouring down my face as I realized, “Jasan is ABSOLUTELY an autistic child.” I remember this article named specific details that described potential autistic tendencies. Memorizing license plates…Oh my goodness. Jasan memorizes license plates and associates them with every person he meets.

That is what really got me. In all honesty, at that moment I was completely devastated. DEVASTATED. This was not something that I was ready to handle or even knew anything about! Where was I to begin? What does this mean for his life? For my life? A million worries and questions crowded my mind.

As I kept reading article after article, I came across a short, beautifully written piece that I felt compelled to share on Facebook. Because I work with little children in my profession and see other childcare workers daily, I know that there were many out there (including me at that time) who were simply under-educated about kids with special needs. Through no fault of their own, they just weren’t, and aren’t, well informed. So, with that in mind, I posted the article hoping it would resonate with some. I’m sure at that time in my moment of absolute freak out about my own child, I cryptically wrote something along with the article. A good friend who knows me well, saw right through that and called me a couple of hours later. She and I do not talk on the phone very often, so her call came as a surprise.

She told me that she had read my post and felt the need to drive a movie over to my house. She said that it was very informative and that it might be inspirational…and to just WATCH IT. I sure did, that very night. And that, my friends, was when I was introduced to Temple Grandin.

Watching her story unfold was incredible. I was crying, I was happy, but most of all I saw Jasan in that movie. That watershed moment expanded my awareness tremendously and created amazing clarity for me with my son. What brings tears to my eyes was experiencing Temple sharing her story with all of us. And this is why I finally UNDERSTAND MY OWN CHILD.

The only people who will ever really be able to understand the complexity and emotion that goes into what I am saying are the parents of an autistic child.

The years of not understanding all came into the light. My love for him grew even deeper knowing that he is completely unique. I and realized I had so much to learn. But Temple Grandin gave me hope. She opened my eyes. This is where my new journey began.

That day… those events… that movie.

So, as much as I was just another person with a book to sign and someone who wanted a picture with her, she will never know how much HER LIFE changed MY LIFE. My awareness and my complete acceptance of how beautifully my son is wired will change HIS LIFE.

Thank you Temple Grandin. I have the utmost respect for you and your brain. You amaze me as well as so many others.

I am very pleased to share with you all that the lecture that was given at Northwestern University last night was recorded. Her mother, Eustacia Cutler, also spoke. All I have to say is that my mind was blown. What an evening! The Family Action Network is the organization that put this event together. They will have this lecture on their website in a few days. I will be posting the link to that as soon as I see it! It will be a must watch.

Firsts.

May 9, 2014 By Heidi Allen 6 Comments

I love when I see him discovering things for the first time. Now that I am more aware of how Jasan is wired, catching him in these moments are even more intriguing to me than ever…

The life skill of laundry.

May 6, 2014 By Heidi Allen 2 Comments

Washing machines and dryers have been a huge point of interest for Jasan lately. While most kids would love for their mom to say, “Hey babe, wanna go to Monkey Joes?” My little love starts getting excited about my mention of swinging by Best Buy to hang and check stuff out.

Side note: I refuse to take him to Monkey Joe’s because he isn’t at all interested in the big jumpy inflatable things, he makes a beeline for the air compressors BEHIND the big jumpy inflatable things. Of course he would! They are machines. They kinda look like fans. (Major plus.) And, they make a cool sound. (But what MAMA sees are his fingers going into like 4 inches of nasty dust. No one cleans off the air compressors. EEK!)

Ok, back to laundry…

Before this blog was established, I posted a photo on the Following Jasan Facebook page of my little dude in the laundry room at a friend’s home. (see below.) That is where this new obsession with the laundry began. Front loading washer and dryer, top of the line, makes delicate little beep sounds when you press the many buttons on the front of the machines… ah. Digital, digital, digital. Heavenly for Jasan. You leave him in there to do his thing and after awhile he has a pattern going while devouring all of the finite details of it all.

At first I was a little embarrassed that he started preferring hanging out in the laundry room when we would go to their home, but I let that go. I wrote in that previous Facebook post that Jasan and I are blessed with friends that DON’T judge. They love Jasan just they way he is. When I am surrounded by that kind of support, it is easy for me to let Jasan do his thing. But overall, the cool thing though is that I had to dig deeper. Now I AM in a place of complete acceptance. In those types of situations, it was all about ME and my fear about what OTHER PEOPLE MAY THINK about my son, whether it be non-acceptance or judgments.

Yes, in the neurotypical 4 year old’s world it may be weird to be so intrigued by a washing machine. Or, it may be fun to press the buttons for a few minutes, but then would probably get boring. For my son, his brain is completely examining everything. The sounds, the cycles, what happens and the motions in each cycle, how many minutes until each cycle completes, which lights are lit and when… all those great details that bring his brain ALIVE.

If I love him unconditionally for who HE is, why would I want to redirect him to play with typical kid toys that he is not interested in?

I now realize that if I want to be his cheerleader and his number one advocate, I will stand by him and be his encouragement even if some other kid or adult may think what he is doing is odd. That is okay. It’s not odd in my son’s world.

Maybe the autistic brain’s world is wayyyyyyy cooler than you or I see the world.

And, who’s to judge anyway? Acceptance is such a huge thing for all of us. Wouldn’t it be awesome if everyone could figure that out?

And this washer and dryer obsession, it will fade after awhile… but man, he will sure have this life skill down.

Bonus for mama. 😉

I love that the sign on the cart reads,

“ANYTHING YOU WANT IS POSSIBLE.”

Perfect.

But, how does it work?

May 4, 2014 By Heidi Allen 1 Comment

One of the things that I completely admire about Jasan is how he has to figure out how things work. He has always been this way. I am sure this is common for a huge population of boys, but I think the autistic traits in Jasan set him apart.
He saw the neighbor kids outside with their bikes a couple of weeks ago. He looked very interested, so we are giving it a try. The super excited, “oh my goodness! His first bike!!!” mom part of me just wants him to get on and ride. Practice getting those pedals moving and steering at the same time.
You know, the way a typical kid would do.

But, my new mantra, HE WILL DISCOVER AND LEARN HIS WAY.

If he walks alongside his bike most of this summer and watches the wheels go around, or wants to turn the bicycle upside down so he can move the pedals with his hands and figure out how it all works, that’s perfect in our world.
He will ride into the sunset when he is ready. ? ??

It’s a big world out there…

May 3, 2014 By Heidi Allen 3 Comments

When I look at my son now, I look at him differently than ever before. I am now aware of his autism, and when I look back on his 4 1/2 years of life, it makes sense.

My take away from this?

He has always been Jasan. Precious Jasan taking in the big world around him, in HIS way.

Me? Hmmm. It’s been quite the journey so far. I didn’t even think for a second that I would have a child with special needs. My expectation of what I thought he was going to be like is NOT who he is. I cannot fit him into the neurotypical child’s box like I was trying to before. But, you see, I didn’t realize I was doing that. I was living my life with Jasan expecting him to just get it, as much as a toddler can. Meaning… transition without problems. Eat a variety of foods. Talk to me in sentences. Have a conversation with me in a 4 year old way. Tell me, “I love you Mama.” Not obsess over things. Sit and do crafts at playdates with the other kids. Play with toys. Play with other kids! Pretend. Enjoy opening presents on Christmas and birthdays. Get excited about Santa and the Easter Bunny. The list goes on…

I wallowed and cried and focused on what he “wasn’t.”

But then, I CHANGED. That wasn’t the mom I wanted to be. I love my son beyond comprehension.

Our journey together will create his life. I want it to be full of positivity and creativeness. I want to focus on all of his amazing strengths and grow those within him. He was meant to be my son and I was meant to be his mother. I am willing to be vulnerable and share our journey with you.

My goal for writing this blog is to change the tone. Change the perspective. Reach out to parents who are struggling with their autistic kids and hopefully help others see the light in their beautiful children.

Proverbs 22:6… Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.