I know most mothers have thought this:
The minute your baby is born, you experience a love that you didn’t even know existed.
Crazy out of your mind unbelievable love. You expand beyond your wildest dreams. It’s really a moment that cannot be described unless you experience it for yourself.
What has been blowing my mind is how this AMAZING love GROWS. So much. When Jasan was a baby and when we would wake in the morning, I felt like a child on Christmas morning. Every day. I remember thinking what a fabulous feeling that was to experience. Now that he is older and growing into this big boy, it feels more like an adventure. An excitement that is so full of promise and FUN…an adventure that we are on together.
What he teaches me is how life is just simply happy. It doesn’t need to be complicated. There is always something that we can learn and be in wonder of. As his language is really emerging and he is starting to be so much more “in the world” than when he was younger, the ability to start to have mini conversations is more satisfying than I ever imagined! To hear what is going on in his incredible mind is the best gift I could ever receive, and now I am living that daily.
Life is so good.
If something brings me down, all I have to do is think about my son and our adventure together in this life. That changes my mood immediately. I am beyond stoked for what lies ahead of us and the journey we will go on together.
He has taught me how to live in the moment. He could not be more perfect.
I look at him in his perfection almost all of the time now, which is a personal goal of mine. The more I look at him and revel in all of the wonderful aspects of him, the more my love grows at a pace that in immeasurable. Getting frustrated or aggravated doesn’t benefit either of us.
I’m not perfect, no one is. But we do have control over our thoughts. That is how my photography series about Jasan began…choosing to highlight the beauty of him and his journey in life with autism, through my images. Since the beginning of this project I have learned so much, and still soaking wonderful knowledge in. Life will forever be so much better than it ever has been and can only keep improving!
One of the things autism has taught me is what being open-minded REALLY means. I am still grasping the concept. Life is so much bigger than I originally imagined. I would have explained myself as open-minded prior to my life with Jasan, and now that kind of makes me laugh. Nothing had ever really tested my beliefs before having a child.
Yes. I have experienced a lot of tough times in my life, but when something happens that is beyond your control and forces you to change otherwise you will wither in depression from not learning how to look at things differently…
Ah. That is when beliefs are challenged. Growth happens.
Other paths in my life have wildly turned corners as well and I am still changing. Loving Jasan to full capacity is easy. He is the BEST part of my life, NO DOUBT. Because he is in my life I am learning what loving ME really means. (Funny how that works!) I will always be a work in progress; there is existing negative self talk that has gone on in my mind for a very long time, but it is now easier to get to the root of my issues that I would like to change. There is a great power in being aware of why stuck points exist in life and how to overcome them.
Knowing that I can practice thinking positively about my son makes it easier to start changing old thought patterns and “feeling” my way into changing those. Old patterns need to see the new light. If it feels icky, it’s not my truth. Anything is possible now. It’s cool that I can teach him this as he grows through my example. This is a dream that I am seeing come to light in front of my eyes which is very cool to me. As I learn to be true to who I really am and become all that I wish, he will learn to follow his instinct as well. That’s what my heart desires for him.
When I look at Jasan, I want to explode with love. He is so precious. I love our life. I love him. I am really starting to love me fully. It all feels really, really good.
What I have learned and now completely BELIEVE is that when you FEEL good, the right path appears underneath your feet. Follow your inspiration. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. Love others. Throw negativity out the window and out of your mind. Live in the moment.
Love your kids no matter what. Even if they screw up big time. This is how they learn..
Loving them will always feel good and they will feel that from you! Isn’t that most important? <3
It’s a big learning experience. 🙂